1. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
2. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
3. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
4. type only in lowercase.
5. dont use any punctuation either
6. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
7. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
8. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
9. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
10. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
11. Honk and wave to strangers.
12. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
13. Practice making fax and modem noises.
14. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
15. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
16. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
17. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
18. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
19. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
20. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
21. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
22. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints at the cash register.
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “DO YOU HEAR THAT?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
25. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
26. Ask people what gender they are.
27. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
28. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
29. Sing along at the opera.
30. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
31. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”
32. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
A bonus personally from me: pretend to over-analyze everything they tell you 🙂 (empirically proven to work 100% of the time 😀 )
And if you’re not afraid of it, try this game: come up to someone, tell them “buy an elephant”. Whatever they say/do/not say, reply “everyone says ****/ everyone (insert what the person does)/ everyone keeps silent, but actually why don’t you buy an elephant?” See how long it takes them to resort to physical violence…