My lovely flatmate is a consistent source of joy – I mean it in the most direct and sincere way. The last time she warmed my heart was a small episode related to something as mundane as toilet paper :).
Last evening she went to take care of some errands and I asked her to grab a pack of toilet paper on the way back because we ran out. I also reminded her not to get anything stinky (read: any scented types), as I have as very much understanding for scented toilet paper as for someone spraying eau de perfume onto their stinky armpits – none whatsoever.
When she got back, she brought a pack that was on sale – a sensible thing to go for while managing a tight student budget, of course. And she didn’t bother inspecting it any closer than identifying that it is, in fact, the needed item (because, like, why, right?). Just a few minutes later I had to burst out laughing: the package read ‘delicate strawberry’!!!
My twisted sense of humor got me immediately thinking about random mad options I was exposed to in this world – scented paper included… Thus far I know that the most reliable way of making an ass stop from not smelling so nice is… washing it clean (if it’s a baby ass, then apparently adding some talcum helps, too). Wet wipes probably come second, I’m guessing from the number of baby ones in TV ads. Then comes toilet paper. What I never would have thought of would be ADDING another smell to the already existing one!
Then I remembered: this is exactly how perfume was invented! To mask body odors by a stronger but more pleasant smell… Although perfume+armpits combination still makes me nauseous to even think of (blame one of my former friends and flatmates – she had that one and many other nasty habits), I can understand it in a historical context of very limited personal hygiene levels and habits in general and the lack of other alternatives. Nowadays, however, we have ‘discovered’ the benefits of using water and soap.
Which brings me back to the strawberry scented toilet paper… WHY??? WHY does it even exist as a concept, let alone as something people are tricked into paying for and using? So that now I can say “go kiss my delicate-strawberry-smelling-ass” instead of the regular short version or what? But I could get the same result by using strawberry flavored shower gel, soap or body lotion – why scent the toilet paper???
That, and what if I actually wanted to wipe my ass with a VICIOUS strawberry flavored paper instead, if any at all, were the thoughts occupying my mind while transporting the fresh rolls onto the shelf…
My dear current flatmate, you never seize to bring a smile upon my face and evoke some existential thinking :D. Love ya!